that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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