weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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