I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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