there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
