I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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