That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Panties = found
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
