I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
