On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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