you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize