I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
