ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
did i just pee glitter
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
