what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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