if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
