I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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