In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
