It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
