I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
