Whoa Z and x make the same sound
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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