She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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