So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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