So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
