Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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