batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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