What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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