Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
