bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
