He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
