the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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