I'm really into asian looking animals
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
