so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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