my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
