3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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