I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
