What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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