i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it's great music for shaving your balls
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
