weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
