Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
