So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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