Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
