if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
