running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
