we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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