Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
