your parents love me but you hate me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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