I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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