Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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