When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
