Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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