It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
