I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I AM VODKA MAN
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
