Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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