Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
