I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
