yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
