dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
