got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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