you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I will be naked everywhere
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
