proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize