Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
