Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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