if you like me you must not know who I am
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
