Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
