Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
