DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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